he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize