It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I did not marry a roomba.
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