All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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