I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
