Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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