He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize