I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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