Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
