i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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