You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
