My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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