this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
