why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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