wakey wakey hands off snakey
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
