And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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