I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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