I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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