Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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