Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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