a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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