the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
