She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Too much gin, very little bucket
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
