I don't usually arrange sex via text message
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
