That's intense
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
