oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
All the doctor said was why
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
