We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
