maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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