dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
