Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
