peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
