whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
