Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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