Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
