How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
