Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
