Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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