You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
