Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
