$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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