you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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