i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
