He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
