Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
