You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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