The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
