i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
