Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
