She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize