I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize