I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
