i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize