my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
