I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
