If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
