I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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