I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
