yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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