you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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