Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
