you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
