Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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