carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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