I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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