Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize