i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
