At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
