Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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