I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
