The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
