I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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