Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
wow bdsm is so cute
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