Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
