Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
