That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize