I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
