So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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