I am puke
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I enjoy the company of your penis
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize