Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
