i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
