You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Less talking, more tequila
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
