it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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