The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize